Mentor/Mentee FAQ

Students can self-select to be in the mentor program, but the majority are recommended by a Mansfield ISD staff person or their parents. Students are recommended for a variety of reasons. Regardless of how they are nominated, the campus facilitator will talk to the student to make sure they are on board and are willing to give it a chance. We don’t force kids into this program.

Unexpected things can interfere with normal plans. If you find out you will have to miss a mentoring session, let the campus counselor know so he or she can inform the child. If you want to try to reschedule that week’s meeting, simply speak to the campus counselor about another possible day/time you could meet with your mentee for that week.

Even if you can’t reschedule your missed meeting, it is essential that you let your mentee know your absence had nothing to do with him or her. The most important part of mentoring is dependability. Many children have been let down numerous times by adults who made promises and then broke them. This can be avoided by simply communicating with the school when you know you can’t make your scheduled time and then having a conversation about your absence with your mentee the next time you meet. If you find out you need to change your meeting time permanently, inform the campus counselor or the coordinator of community relations.

To gain the trust of any young person you have to be willing to know his/her world. Likes and dislikes. What music does he/she listen to? What television shows does he/she watch? You have to build a positive relationship before you can teach. Truth be known, you might spend all of this year right here working on that positive relationship. That’s okay!

To curb any potential fears or concerns of students and parents, the campus counselor will do the work up front to make sure parents know the goals and guidelines of Mansfield ISD Mentoring Program. We want parents to understand we are not taking their place but coming alongside them to help move their child toward success.

Once the school has obtained parent permission, the campus counselor will meet with the student to share information about the mentoring program and the mentor. That way, it doesn’t feel as if the student is meeting a complete stranger during the first mentor/mentee session. You should anticipate some initial hesitation from the student and work to build trust and provide opportunities for both of you to get to know each other.

Our kids are growing up in a complex world, but in many cases, what they need is simply to connect to a positive, caring adult. Most kids are tired of adults trying to “fix” them and their problems, so the pressure is off!

You are not there to solve their problems. You are there to listen, laugh with them, role model for them and show them how many amazing things they can do with their life. You don’t need any kind of degree to do this. You have lived longer than they have and longer than their peers (where they get much of their advice), so use your own experience to guide you.

Although the generation gap creates plenty of differences between mentor and mentee, you have one thing in common: you’re both entering a new relationship. That can create awkwardness for both of you. In the beginning, discuss this with your mentee so he or she recognizes that similarity too. However, as the adult, you have the benefit of a few extra years of experience and confidence.

You and your mentee both have things to offer in this new relationship. Be curious, and you’ll learn from your mentee as much as he or she will learn from you. You don’t need to be an expert in today’s music, slang, fashion or popular apps to make a connection with a young person. On the other hand, you shouldn’t adopt a superior attitude, reminding your mentee how much he or she doesn’t know as a kid. Your student wants you to be a grown-up -- but one who seeks a connection and intentionally looks for common ground.

Most young people don’t expect you to be cool -- they just want you to be real. They would much rather you be yourself, complete with all your quirks and imperfections, than keep your distance for fear of being thought uncool.

If you genuinely show interest in your mentee as a unique human being who deserves to be respected, supported and listened to, that’s all it takes. You will be surprised at how quickly you will connect with your mentee when you take an interest in who he or she is without trying to hide who you are.

Shyness and awkwardness are common at the beginning of almost any relationship. These are not an indication that you are not connecting! In our young people’s world today, face-to-face conversation is diminishing, so communicating verbally and not via technology is another skill you will bring to your mentee through your time together, but it will take time.

If your mentee is just quiet, do not bombard him or her with lots of questions that require a yes or no response. Instead, use open-ended questions, ask him to teach you how to do something or ask her advice to help build trust. Naturally-quiet people would probably open up more if you engaged them in an activity while you talked, such as playing checkers or a card game.

Mansfield ISD does not expect our mentors to be perfect. We just expect you to be present. You will make mistakes and say the wrong things, but this is a real-life opportunity to show your mentee how to handle making a mistake. What a great opportunity to model humility, offer a heartfelt apology and even admit you were wrong. You may be the first adult who has ever shown your young friend this type of respect by asking for forgiveness. Seeing adults handle problems and take responsibility can help youth develop their own positive conflict resolution skills. No one learns much from perfect people.

One of the possibilities of building a safe, trusting relationship with a young person is that he or she may begin to share intimate, unexpected or even shocking revelations. As a mentor, your job is to listen, to avoid being judgmental and to share this sensitive information with the campus administrator or the counselor. By law, any suspected neglect or abuse of any kind MUST be reported. Whether or not you know it to be true is not up to you. It must be reported to the campus administrator or the counselor immediately.

Setting confidentiality guidelines early with your mentee is critical. During one of your first meetings, you and your mentee can discuss what you expect from each other. Explain that you will be an open listener without bias or judgment, but you will always try to do what is best for your young friend. Talk generally about physical and emotional health and safety issues that might require help from other people. Assure your mentee you will always act with his or her best interests in mind. If you ever need to seek outside help for your mentee, you can refer back to the promises you made in this early conversation.

The matching process is one of the most important parts of the mentoring relationship. The Mentor Coordinator does all the matching personally because they are the one that recruits and trains the mentors. In an effort to match your child with someone that they will most likely have something in common with, the process can sometimes take weeks.

All of our schools provide WIN time for students who are needing extra help on academics. Mentors serve a different, yet equally important, role. Our mentors are working to build a trusting relationship with their mentees in hopes that in the future the student will feel comfortable enough to allow the mentor to help guide him/her through different struggles or decisions. As in all relationships, this trust is built through informal activities and can’t be rushed. Our mentors have to follow the child’s lead in order to establish that relationship. There is clear evidence to support that if a mentor goes into a relationship focusing solely on how the child is doing academically, the child will not want to continue the mentoring. There is also evidence to support that in many cases, if there is a strong mentor/mentee relationship that has had time to grow, academics do improve even though the mentor and mentee do not work on school work. We just have to trust the process and allow the two an opportunity and time to get to know each other outside of how the child is performing in school.

While the answer to this question varies depending on the child, for the most part students participating in the mentoring program have been recommended because right now in their life they seem to be “missing” something. Some are missing self-confidence, others are missing the ability to connect with their peers and they are lonely. Some are missing significant people in their lives that are no longer there for various reasons, and some are missing acceptance from someone other than a family member.

Although these reasons may vary from student to student, something that does not vary is the fact that our mentors are not coming in to “fix” these students, and they are not coming in to replace a parent. We see you, the parent, as the most important person in this child’s life and our mentors are just hoping to come alongside the child and become another positive influence in their world. We see parents and mentors as partners!

Yes! We don’t give the mentors your contact information and we don’t give parents’ the mentor’s information from the beginning because some kids need to see the mentor relationship as “their own” in order to trust it. In other words, if they think mom or dad is in the mentor’s ear all the time, then they will most likely not trust the mentor because they see him/her as simply relaying your information. However, it is never our intention to keep you and the mentor apart. We know from past experiences and research that when the mentor and the parent have a positive relationship, either with the child’s knowledge or without it, then this only serves to strengthen the relationship between the mentor and the mentee. If at any time you would like to communicate with your child’s mentor, simply let your child’s counselor know or you can contact the Coordinator of Community Relations and let them know.

Our mentors are recruited from many different places in the community. We have college students, parents, doctors, policemen, firemen, city employees, school district employees (not teachers), business owners, retirees, and many, many more!

Every Mentor must complete an application where they provide 2 references. They also have to complete a criminal background check and attend training with the Coordinator of Community Relations. Only after all three of these things have been completed, will they be matched with a student.

We do not pull students from core academic classes or classes that a child is struggling in. Each campus decides the day and time that would be best for the student to be pulled for the 30 minutes they meet with their mentor.

Your child will be with their same mentor for as long as they and the mentor are interested in continuing the relationship and for as long as the schedule works out. Of course, we would love for them to stay connected as long as possible with their mentor, but sometimes there are reasons that the relationship needs to close. If that is the case, we will talk to your child to see if they are interested in being rematched with a new mentor. You do not need to complete a new permission form each year. Once you complete the permission form for the first time, it is good for the duration of your child’s time in Mansfield ISD or until you revoke their participation in the mentoring program by emailing or calling the campus counselor or the District Coordinator of Community Relations.